They say that life is what you make of it and most of us just fake it.

Caesar: What can be avoided
Whose end is purposed by the mighty gods?
Yet Caesar shall go forth; for these predictions
Are to the world in general as to Caesar.
Calpurnia: When beggars die, there are no comets seen;
The heavens themselves balze forth the death of princes.
Caesar: Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear,
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.
(Re-enter Servant)
What say the augerers?
Servant: They would not have you stir forth to-day,
Plucking the entrails of an offering forth,
They could not find a heart within the beast.
Caesar: The gods do this in shame of cowardice:
Caesar should be a beast without a heart
If he should stay at home to-day for fear.
No, Caesar shall not: danger knows full well
That Caesar is more dangerous than he:
We are two lions litter'd in one day,
And I the elder and more terrible:
And Caesar shall go forth.
(Julius Caesar, II, ii)

How many times have I died in my life? Many. Many many. Dying is the empty, shrinking feeling of letting your fear rule you, the burning embarrassment you feel as you deny yourself growth, the scalding, wrenching blow of giving up a bit of yourself, the inability to look yourself mentally in the face for shame. I'm done with it. I aim to live for the rest of my life.

So that's what I want to put on here: my adventures and lessons in this brief stint of mortality. Learning about life, about me, about others, etc etc. Recording how I'm using my life. Basically, a collection of scar and bruise stories. I love scars and bruises because it means that I'm using the body God gave me and enjoying (sooner or later) very physical experiences. I'm doing the same thing with my life. There's a lot to learn.

Mostly I need to just relax and take what life brings me. Now is all I have. Life is ruined by constantly dwelling on stupid past mistakes or stressing abut future possibilities. A beautiful life comes from the ability to take life a moment at a time. It comes from the ability to take it as it is, no expectations, no resentments, no regrets. Life IS. Like I told my girls at the summer camp when they were learning how to trot the horse: just relax and go with the rhythm. The resistance of resentment and expectations stiffens you and makes life jarring. Relaxing into the rhythm of life is the key. Being true to yourself and the self God wants to help you create and refusing to be defined and controlled by your own fears and the expectations of others...that's it.

LIFE IS. No more faking.

(Oh, I'm also going to put up random stuff that I feel like thinking and writing about. So don't get the wrong idea, it's not going to be all serious and deep and eternally consequential. Not entirely. Mostly. But not entirely. :p )