I think Satan traffics heavily in fashions and fads. Specifically, I'm thinking of shoes, though he is not limited to them. High school, there was Converse. Working at the theatre, there were Sperries. This summer, there were Chocos. And, of course, the ubiquitous CROCS.
Why do I think shoes are a great tool of Darkness? None of these shoes are pretty. But slap a big price tag on them and you launch them into social status symbol-hood. And then pride and covetousness ensue.
I have to say...I was tempted by the Sperries. Not because I wanted to wear old-man-boating shoes but because I'm a collector packrat and I love to accumulate things with fun names. Luckily, I could never bring myself to make myself poor for what I consider to be ugly shoes.
(Disclaimer: Shoes in themselves are not evil. They are much like guns. The evil comes from the way people use them. Satan can twist a lot of good things to his purposes...and, in fact, he does. And my definition of ugly is obviously not universal. Also, I'm killing the packrat within me tomorrow. The only things that will survive are books, sheets, and towels. And shoes. Actually, who really needs sheets if you sleep on a plastic mattress?)
I was talking to my dad about this shoe thing (initiated by observations of who wears Crocs with socks and if it's a gender or age thing) and we got all kinds of brilliant turns of phrases during lunch at the Morris Center. Thinking about them now...you had to be there to appreciate them. "Satan: Patron Saint of Shoemaking. Hey, that's funny...a patron buys stuff."
"He's shopping for souls."
"Soles!"
"Where is your [sohl]?!"
I love my dad. I showed him Charlie (I can't believe he's been my dad for this long and I never showed him). It was late at night and he was watching the whole thing with bloodshot, glazed eyes, his chin resting wearily in his hand. Then came the end. The kidney. He convulsed in silent laughter for 2 whole minutes before the giggles erupted. Rarely have I heard that man giggle. If ever. He couldn't control himself. And several times a day since then, he goes, "Chaaaaaaarlieeeeee" in a high-pitched voice and cracks up all over again. Oohrah, sir!
So, sadness...DT is closed forever from today. And the pride of being able to tell people I was one of the last to live in DT is in effect.
To combat the sadness: My Hands Are Bananas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO10s_HK6d0
You want zee banana? Ok.
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Shoes are not like guns. Guns are a neutral tool to be turned for good or evil in the hands that hold them. Shoes are inherently good or evil. Crocs are a tool of satan, forged in brimstone, encapsulating the hellish agony of 1000 damned souls per pair. They intoxicate the senses of the weak minded to make evil appear good, honey for bitter. Woe unto them.
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